I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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