Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
