I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
