U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
