Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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