you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
sex in a hospital.. check
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
