You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
