it hurts more in the daytime
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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