I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
