when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just puked most of my soul out..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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