You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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