I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
