I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
that is very illegal...i love you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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