Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
