It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
