come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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