Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
