I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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