I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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