Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i came on her dog
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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