We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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