Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
