Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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