Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
