Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
