I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
