I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
