In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
