It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
