oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
