There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
