saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize