We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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