Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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