I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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