I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
