People in love make me want to vomit
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I did not marry a roomba.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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