i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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