I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
