At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
