I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize