now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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