Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
