i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
