We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
