Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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