note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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