Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
