If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
