Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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