You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
