shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
