so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got inside last night via doggy door
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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