After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
