It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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