If that was your dad, he is hot
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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