currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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