Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
