Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
