so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
4 words: hood of his car
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
