Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
