I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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