I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
