rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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