I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
