I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
porn star boner night. come get it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
