I love black thongs
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
