I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize