and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
