nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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