dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
