What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize