I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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