billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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