***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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