I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
