I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
