I could make wine with my vomit
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize