It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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