Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
