so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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