I love black thongs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
