you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
