Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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