I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize