wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
