So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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