I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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