Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
