everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who died my cat blue again?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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