dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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