Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
