do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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