Pappa wants mamma naked
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize