An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
