Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
