Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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