we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
