ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
