...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
