Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
