I wish I could punch you in the face.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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