Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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