I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
