We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
