So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize