it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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