hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
