My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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