The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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