I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
