Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
