The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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