i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
