I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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